Those Christmas books you see every one reading about love and shit? This is not one of those. This is the Holiday version for the 5% of us that really don’t work up that much Christmas spirit. That stuff takes too much energy. I am a 5 percenter.
I LOVE Jen Mann. I read her other book People I want to Punch in the Throat and realized that I think we are sisters separated at birth. So then I started
stalking her blog and Facebook.
In this book she talks about her over achieving Christmas loving mom. I had the Dad version of that.
My dad was that Christmas ornament/decoration hoarding version. He even took it so far as to playing Santa as long as he could. (I miss him badly)
Jenn admits to her Christmas slacking. That whole Elf on the Shelf thing. He is in this book. The little bastard.
“Yes, and one time last year he took all the ornaments off our tree! Teeheehee.”
Teeheehee? Why in the world would I make my Elf do something like that? I’M the one that has to clean up his mess.
The whole decorating your house stuff?
I hate putting up our own lights. No one will ever drive by my house and have someone in the backseat beg for a second pass because “it was just so pretty!” Hell will freeze over first.
Come on down south Jenn. I live at the end of a subdivision. My dark house is the calm one on the street since I live in the south. My neighbors do “white trash Christmas”…it helps with not feeling bad about my own lack of decorations.
The cookie shares? I’m not doing that crap either.
I’m expected to have something pretty and jolly and preferably sparkly to display my two dozen shareables on so that they look beautiful on the hostess’ goody table. I don’t have that kind of shit. I usually arrange my offerings on a paper plate festooned with holly or some sort of winter wonderland shit that was left over from a school party.
While reading this little book I snorted a few times and my son asked me why I was laughing. I told him I was reading another book by that lady who took her kids to school in her pajama’s. The boy child said “Oh..like you don’t do that.”
He just went on the BAD LIST.
This is my kind of Christmas and holiday reading. I needed this. Now one thing. That big old dang TV that the husband talked me into replacing? Jenn’s “hubs” took hers to a donation center. You know where mine is still sitting months later?
Yes, In my kitchen. Dust and all. Because I refuse to touch it. (You have to read the book to understand this whole line..sucka!)
Yes, that pic above is my dad and that’s my dusty ass TV because it’s Christmas and this is my version of the version of the White Trash Humblebrag. I spread class wherever I go. Now call me Jenn Mann and we will talk some smack about those weirdo suburb moms.
Booksource: Netgalley in exchange for review.