The Book of the Unnamed Midwife by Meg Elison

The Book of the Unnamed Midwife by Meg Elison

A dark as night apocalyptic novel? That’s actually good? All the stars going up.

She wakes up in the hospital after being sick to realize that they are no people around. Just some dead bodies and the remembrances of a sickness that was rampant. Mostly all the women were dying and the babies and children were all gone.

She ventures home shell shocked and is almost raped in her bed. She discovers that there are a few men still alive but the rules have changed.
She poses as a man because those are her best chances of making it anywhere without being made into a captive.

When the sirens quit, the rules gave out. Some people had been waiting their whole lives to live lawlessly, and they were the first to take to the streets. Some people knew what would happen; they knew better than to open their doors when they heard cries of help. Other’s didn’t. What disease cannot do, people accomplish with astonishing ease.

This book takes on this type of story differently than I’ve seen it done. It seems like by reading the blurb and a few of the reviews that you are getting a story that’s been told before but not that I’ve read. The unnamed woman sets out on her journey and I became entranced by it. I usually gripe and whine about not knowing all the tidbits..like what the disease actually was and what caused it. But not this time. It is done

PERFECTLY. The author does take the time to wrap up the stories of the characters she introduces. (Even when you wished she hadn’t…dark stuff)
Then genders are blinded when the world is thrown to shit.
Women are basically trade items at times and then ‘hive’ masters the next.

This is a whole new set of worms.
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Read this book.

(It looks like it might be a series but fear not my fellow series haters..this is a full meal on it’s own.)

Holding Up the Universe by Jennifer Niven

Holding Up the Universe by Jennifer Niven

Welcome to the internet in the year 2016. Where a simple book blurb broke the internet for a few days. A teenage girl who was rescued from her house because her weight kept her a prisoner. Then through in a statement about how she is returning to high school aka..the real world after being homeschooled.
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I KNOW!! Let’s all run and one star and bash the book.

Not.

And all you guys thought I was the biggest bully on here didn’t you?

Because I had (for once) stopped to think about what the book meant..and it made me drool all over myself.
I didn’t jump on the bandwagon. I wanted the book even more.
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Because I’ve been a bit on the fat side many times in my life. I lose some weight and then I gain some weight. Big dang deal. (I can say that now-I couldn’t when I was this character’s age.) I home-school my kid. AND YES sometimes we talk about him joining the ‘real world’ again. Does that mean he is socially awkward? Hell no.

This book is something that if I had it in high-school I would have highlighted ever stinking line of it. It would have became my Shelby bible of how to deal with all the assholes that dwell in high-school. (and real life)

These characters:
Libby Stout, she is the girl that was taken from her house. By a crane. Because her mom had died suddenly and she could not cope. Food became her crutch, her dad didn’t know how to deal with it and tried..he did try. But when someone is bent on self destruction-sometimes that path can’t be detoured. She does finally reach that point (when the crane is brought out) that her dad knows that help is needed. He wants to save his daughter. He gets her help.
Then comes to the point in the story where she is going back to school. She has lost some weight, she is still overweight by public opinion. BUT this girl totally knows who she is.

For example..on the first day back at school.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hey.”
“Is it true fat girls give better blow jobs?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never gotten a blow job from a fat girl.”.

Jack Masselin: This kid hides the fact that he recognizes no one’s face. Not even his own family. He once screamed that his mom was kidnapping him because she had gotten a haircut and he didn’t have the familiar markers to place her in his mind.
He plays the cool guy at school but he lives in fear that someone will discover his secret.

Then they end up in group counseling together. This is not a boy rescue the fat girl story. This is a story of two people realizing who exactly they are..and owning it.
People are shitty for a lot of reasons. Sometimes they’re just shitty people. Sometimes people have been shitty to them and, even though they don’t realize it, they take that shitty upbringing and go out into the world and treat others the same way. Sometimes they’re shitty because they’re afraid. Sometimes they choose to be shitty to others before others can be shitty to them. So it’s like self-defensive shittiness.

Books like this are exactly why I read young adult.

Jennifer Nevin, I hope you pat yourself on the back. And the haters?
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Booksource: I received a copy of the book from the publisher in exchange for review.

Best of My 2016 Books

I feel like I had an off year of reading. I changed jobs, went through a book slump and then Goodreads started completely losing my interest. First world problems for sure.

I still managed to read 176 books. Boring statistic thingie inserted here:

Seventeen of them rating five stars, 62 of them four stars, 65 of the books rating 3 stars, 27 two stars and only six 1 star books. I may have lost my bully touch. Maybe it’s the resolution I made to not DNF a book all of 2016? Who knows. I made that goal. Yay me.

Enough rambling. On to the books!

Best Non-Fiction

I had a tie in this category. They both are two of the best I’ve read.

Mean Justice: A Town's Terror, a Prosecutor's Power, a Betrayal of Innocence

Evicted: Poverty and Profit in the American City

Best Western. That I don’t read a lot of but was going to make sure that this book made my list anyways:

The Thicket

Best book that I loved and most of my friends hated:

The Girls

BestĀ SurpriseĀ of the year..that I never imagined would end up a favorite: That cover makes me cringe.

Nine Minutes (Nine Minutes, #1)

Best Sci-Fi:

Dark Matter

Best Romance: Yes, I eat these books up with a spoon.

(ugly covers are everywhere)

First Star I See Tonight (Chicago Stars, #8)

Best Hick-Lit and Pure Fun:

Savage Reckoning

And I save the best two books of the year for last.

I can’t pick between these two. They are the best of the best. Read them.

The Serpent King

All the Ugly and Wonderful Things

The Sun is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon

The Sun Is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon

Warning: This reviews is just mostly gifs.

I probably should have done this before reviewing this book.
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This is more my style though..
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So you now have been warned. Keep reading if you want. If you are a fangirl troll..please know this:
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Because this book was just stupid. FOR ME! Half of GR loves it. More than half actually. Go and love their reviews.
The book is told in choppy little chapters, from multiple points of view. This really could have worked, it’s worked for me before.
There was not enough to make me give two craps about it though.

You have Natasha, she is being deported on the very day that the book takes place. Her family is in America illegally and Daddy got drunk and blabbed their status. Now she is not going to get to use her bought and paid for illegal social security card to get financial aid for college.

You totally lost me there Nicola Yoon.

I don’t want any trolling so before you start, I’m all for immigration and mixed relationships, for anything else this book portrays. BUT don’t just throw in something like that for a main character to be doing and expect me to like it.

Then you have Daniel. Daniel has a sweet poets soul.
He has lots of feelings.

I somewhat liked Daniel better than the rest of these characters.
He falls in love with Natasha about five minutes after he meets her. Because it’s meant to be.

It was meant to be that this book totally lost me.

Booksource: From Publisher in exchange for review.

The French Chef in America by Alex Prud'Homme

Realizing that I had gotten an audio book hurt my heart. (I can’t do them)

I LOVE Julia Child and she is one of my biggest heroines. So I just bought the physical copy of the book to go with it. Yay me!
I love hearing about Julia’s life and her bawdy, wonderful personality. I love this book.

Booksource: I received a copy of the book from Blogging for books in exchange for review.

Red Blooded American Male by Robert Trachtenberg

Red-Blooded American Male by Robert Trachtenberg

My friend Sandra posted a little tease of this book this morning. She posted a pic of Neal Patrick Harris.
Wet.
In a tub.

I realized I had this book and ran to open the sucker so I could READ it. Yes, I read it. I didn’t just look at it “for the pictures.”
Whatever.

Actually, this book is freaking beautiful.
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Not only that…Trachtenberg writes little snippets of stories that go with the photos.
Like this one…
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This was for Rolling Stone’s “Hot” issue. It seemed absurd to do anything where we tried to make Rudd look deliberately “hot.” His ‘hotness’ comes effortlessly. He agreed we should mock the whole notion of “hot.” He agree to get in the bed. He agree the boxers were getting in the way and dropped them. Months later, he sent me a nice note saying friends had seen the photo on the walls of gay bars across America and he couldn’t be more proud.

Mama likey.

Trachtenberg took this one of Nick Offerman and Chelsea Handler:
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They had never met before this photo. I’m still haunted by Offerman’s final words to me before he dropped his pants. “Please. Be gentle with me.”

I want a copy of this book. I don’t give a damn that it is forty frigging dollars. It’s one that must be held in your hands. It’s one that I could completely post every frigging photo and story that goes with it..but that’s spoilery. I’ll behave. I’m writing the name of this book on a slip and putting it in my husband’s wallet right now. I hope it comes wrapped. Because I can tell him it’s educational.

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I can’t find some of the images I wanted to show in this review…so I’m ticked off and I’m going to go look at this book some more.
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Booksource: Netgalley and publisher in exchange for review

PS! I totally just got my greedy little hands on a hardcover of this book. It’s even more beautiful than I imagined.

Skinnytaste Fast and Slow by Gina Homolka

Skinnytaste Fast and Slow by Gina Homolka

I’ve sorta followed Gina’s blog SkinnyTaste for several years. Everything that I’ve made of her recipes has always been a pretty much hit or near hit..so when I saw this cookbook the drooling started. Plus, since starting the new job I have no time for reading or cooking..and that slow cooker part of the book sounded like pure win.
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Drool worthy isn’t it?
And these recipes aren’t as fat padding as the stuff I normally cook. I don’t get the evil eye from the husband and boy child because her recipes really are good enough that you don’t know you are eating somewhat healthy.

This is an eggroll bowl without having to spend a thousand hours rolling those suckers up. Why did I never think of that??
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Another simple idea that I never thought of that I’m totally eating up.
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As I was reading this book I was telling the husband all the goodies that I was promising to make and probably never will. I noticed the looks from one of the other creatures in the house.
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I’m thinking she approves.

(Disclaimer: I totally made the roasted acorn squash and we hogged it up too fast to get a pic.)

Booksource: I received a copy of this book in exchange for review.

ETA: My normal image sharing site won’t work for me for some reason. I’m sorry these are so crappy.

Desperation Road by Michael Farris Smith

Desperation Road by Michael Farris Smith

In the southern Mississippi swamp you can watch the world awaken as the pale yellow sun edges itself between the trees and moss and wide winged cranes. Dragonflies buzz and raccoons come out of their dens and crawl along fallen trees. Turtles situate themselves onto stumps that will later become sun-soaked and hidden things slide beneath black water with murderous patience and skill.

That passage sets the tone of this book. I know one a few of my friends (Dan 2.0) would totally read this book wrong and swear it was full of purple prose. He reads everything wrong so…..

Russell Gaines is being released from prison after eleven years. He admits to and is carrying the guilt of his crime.
He had seen the worst of men and he wanted there to be punishment for that so that he could feel like he was different from them.
Russell gets met at the bus station on his first day out by the brothers of the man that he killed. Russell doesn’t get many breaks in life.

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Don’t get all the tissues out yet though, because Russell is not the perfect man. He still boozes up every-time he gets behind the wheel and that made me kinda eye-twitchy. (It was perfect for this story though..so what do I know?)

He finds himself driving around trying to clear his mind after his friendly welcome home and ends up at a backwoods road where a local deputy has been shot. Then as life would have it he meets the woman on the run that is carrying that deputies gun.
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The woman had the look of someone who might have been used to it but the was concern in her voice. He had heard the sound from men who knew what tomorrow would bring and knew there was nothing they could do about it.

This is completely my kind of story. Dark as my hateful old heart. I likey.

Booksource: Netgalley in exchange for review.

Everything You Want Me to Be by Mindy Mejia

Everything You Want Me to Be by Mindy Mejia

Mom warned me that I had a lot to learn about the world. I wished she would’ve mentioned how much the learning was going to hurt.

This book was perfection..for me anyways.
It’s one of those that you know you should look away from but it wraps it’s twisted little story around your mind and you just can’t look away.
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Hattie Hoffman is in high school and has always been one of the top of the food chain girls. She gets the leads in the drama plays, she has the best friend that adores her, she has parents that would move the earth for her.
But girlfriend..it’s all a farce.

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Hattie is whoever she thinks someone wants her to be. She acts the role of the perfect student, daughter..yada yada.
But what does she really think and feel?

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This is not a spoiler since it’s the whole basis of the book..so don’t whine. Hattie is found brutally murdered in a small town barn. Who would have hurt everyone’s princess?

You get to find out. The book is told by several viewpoints including Hattie’s. She is a controlling little shit..but for some dang reason I actually liked her.
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Hattie dreams of leaving small town life because she is so much better than that. (She is a pretentious little shit but that’s beside the point.) She is all over a website that features theater life in New York, because she knows she is going to be bigger than life one day. On that site she finds someone who really ‘gets her’…and then finds out it’s the new high school English teacher. Who is married.
He really tries to put some distance between them when he finds out that it’s Hattie who he is talking with, but Hattie is not that easily distanced.

She even thinks of the perfect way to hide their affair. She’ll just be the girlfriend of that dumb football player.
If I was a normal girl with normal dreams, I would have been giddy about Tommy Kinakisis hesitant touch. I would have giggled over him with all my girlfriends and pulled him closer instead of ducking my head and turning away. I would have been so much simpler and I took a moment to mourn for what I could never be. No matter how well I played the part, I would never become the role.

This is Lolita for 2016 on steroids. ALL THE STARS!!

She had multiple personalities; it was the only explanation. She was dangerous, calculating, diabolical, and..brilliant. She was fucking brilliant.

Booksource: Netgalley in exchange for review

Stroked Hard by Meghan Quinn

Stroked Hard by Meghan Quinn
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When I read the first book in this series Stroked we were introduced to the main characters in that book. I liked them but there was that friend that I was dying for more of.
Hollis.

Meghan Quinn brought him to the table in this book.
Hollis sees Melony and immediately knows that she is his forever woman. She just doesn’t see it. Because Hollis has an ego bigger than four states and Melony has some abandonment issues.

Hollis decides she is worth sticking it out for and figures he is going to “Noah Calhoun” her ass to death until she professes her undying love for him.
(If you don’t know who Noah Calhoun is..run right now and correct that mistake. I’ll wait.)

The thing about Hollis though, he ain’t just sugary sweet. The boy can’t seem to keep his mouth shut for nuthin.

“Observing my cock while I’m diving, nice. Don’t worry, sugar tits, what you see isn’t at all what you get. That’s just a third of the prize. This dude has cock.”
I laugh. I can’t help it. “Oh my God, who even says that?”

I’m totally in love.
He even has a chihuahua!
Normally, little dogs are yappy little fucks, not Taco. He’s older, more mature, at least that’s what I like to tell people. I don’t bother saying he’s the laziest dog ever. Fetch? Yeah, he doesn’t know what that is. Whenever I try to play, it turns into Taco pushing the ball and me chasing it. How the fuck that happens, I have no clue. But I refuse to play anymore; it’s demeaning to me.

Then you have the sex scenes. All I can say is you might end up in this state after reading this one.

I want to hoard this book for myself. I will let you read it if you promise not to fall in love with my book boyfriend. (WhoKelly tried to claim.)

He’s too cocky, too arrogant when he talks, always joking about my boob somehow falling in his mouth. That’s not intimate. That’s just…perverted.